I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
