I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize