And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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