just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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