and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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