rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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