New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
