every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
