Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need a beard to bite.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
