so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
