Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
