she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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