if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
