I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize