Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
