Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
