Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
