Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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