so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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