marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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