i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
