Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
