she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
