I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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