Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
