I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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