You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
