i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
