I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize