new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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