I must be too annoying 4 u.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
