You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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