It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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