Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
