woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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