We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
