okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
