My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my gift to your gina
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
