i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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