her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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