My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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