he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
