found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
