I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
