Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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