Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
