Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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