idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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