sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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