yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
