dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
