just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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