dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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