He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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