Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
