its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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