dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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