Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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