I skipped work to stalk him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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