Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
