I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
