Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
