My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
