no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
