I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
