The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
