I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
