i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
